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Life is an essay, not a choice

One of my friend told me that life isn’t a choice, but it’s an essay. You’re a writer of that essay. You have the power of your pen to write down what you’re going to do, to be, lived, whatever you want. You can be whoever you want. Write down your character, the places that you’re going to travel, do what you want or in order to get what you want. Leave what you don’t like and need. Everything are as that simple.

Some of us, often, do what people want us to do, wear what people want us to wear, and become the person just to be welcome in your community. That’s not a wrong things to do. People tend to have a lot of faces in order to adapt and survive. But become something that you want neither a wrong thing as long as you hurt no body. Well, even if you do hurt somebody, it’s isn’t my problem to be true. But I won’t hurt someone just to get what I want. There is something called mutualism, but I wont talk about it here.

Working a job you hate
So we can buy shit we don’t need
To impress people we don’t like

When you do things and become a person that everybody want, you’ll never get enough because you weren’t born to be loved by every single person in this world. And when you do something just because you think that’s what normally thing goes by, think again. Don’t let the thing you own ended up owning you. But you can be loved by one person to be true, yourself.

I used to hate, I fucking hate myself. I cried each night just by seeing my reflection behind the mirror. I saw her like a hideous monster living inside my soul. I used to be a super skinny girl, but I never get enough. There were always something wrong, big hips, messy hair, thick eyebrow, imperfect face, nothing good inside me. That though sometimes still hunts me. But I know something, the only person who can truly appreciate you is yourself. You have the control of what you think, the way you see your reality, and of course yourself. Write it in honest. Tell what you want.

I wrote about Sarah in junior high school, Ana in senior high school, and Amynta today. Some of them are the wickness that I have, but rest of them are the ideal girl that I imagine. Until two days ago, I realized, why I never try to be one of them? The character that I wrote? I have the pen and book to write down my life. I cut down my hair, made it super short, and died the color into red. Ana. One of the girl that I wrote. I used some hippies clothes. I become her for a day. That day where I realized that I have a lot of control in my life. I can be whatever I write.

One of my friend asked my, why I massively changed each time I met him? Because I enjoy to play many kind of character in my life. Then some of you may think that I have no stand point, no real personality, and labile. Well, I have a character too, a character that love to play a game, change personality, and act as the world is a theater. But I guess it’s a complex one.

“You’ll never be happy if you continue to search what happiness consist of.
You’ll never life if you are looking for the meaning of life,” Albert Camus

You may said that world is boring, it just a repetition of born, learn, sex, and death. But to me, it’s more than that. Every one have their own book. Write it with your heart and mind, then make it a best seller. Or at least, you’re favorite one.

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